I JUST DECIDED TO CHANGE MY HEART

A few weeks ago, Gabi, a wonderful five-year-old, came in the door of Stone Oak Youth Theatre.  Her mom asked her if she wanted to tell us about the day.

Smiling Gabi told us a story of NOT wanting to leave the play area at McDonald's.  That being an area of contention they were working on, she told us, "I just decided to change my heart.  I wanted to stay and play, but I just stopped, and thought, and decided to obey."

This moment, this comment, has had my mental attention for weeks.

~~~

So yesterday, I found myself on a self-pity pot.  Now that the busyness of wedding planning was behind me, I was growing more aware of my isolation from friends. I missed the prayer group friends in St Louis, I missed my ACTS sisters from St Francis.  I am so busy helping Maryclaire at the theater, teaching piano lessons, taking Grandma to her things, and trying to be a good wife to Jerry.  I haven't had time -- or made the time to connect with my friends.

I went into a hole, if you know what I mean.  Nothing could cheer me.  Jerry and I went to morning Mass, we stopped at the grocery together, I just got grumpier and sadder, even angry.  I came home and lay down on the bed, almost determined to be depressed, to sleep all day, to blame the world for my loneliness.

But Gabi's words interrupted my thoughts.

"I just decided to change my heart."

I lay there a while, and let the words permeate my own heart.

I got up. 

I announced it to Jerry, who was, of course, delighted. :-)  

We went out for an afternoon of exploring Johnson City, something I had wanted to do for some time now.  

I decided it's up to me to call people and get back into life.

I just decided to change my heart.

In Johnson City, we toured the LBJ Texas White House, and as I read museum posts, I saw LBJ himself in a different light.  In the 60s many of us blamed the VietNam war on him.  I had not known about his life, his lifelong commitment to civil rights and education.  

That was a change of heart.

In the evening, I found myself talking to a woman who had been very cold the last time we were together.  She mentioned that she had been coming down with the flu back then, and was barely functioning when I had seen her that night.

The truth changed my heart about her behavior that evening. 

~~~

Little Gabi, thank you.

I never want to forget this.

It's up to me.

I just need to DECIDE to change my heart.